Living With Pain: Modified, Yet Tenacious Practice

I am still dealing with severe pain in the left leg, which makes walking extremely challenging; I believe that I am suffering of a stress fracture. The photos show my practice from past Sunday, which brought some emotional (and perhaps even physical) relief.

The Achilles Tendon



I had a weekend of complete RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) making the healing of my left lower limb a priority. I used the anti-inflammatory lotion as directed; a kind soul, another RTC resident, dropped me off and picked me up from the library on campus, minimizing painful walking. But it did not help: this morning I woke up with mild pain and the usual swelling in the ankle. The pain, which has extended to the Achilles tendon, increased throughout the following hours, probably due to walking for the routine activities. Walking 1 km to the shuttle bus stop made the pain severe. I was in tears when I got on the bus.
I spent some time trying to investigate what is the economic of a medical treatment, which would involve MRI for diagnostics and physical therapy. As international student I am covered by the private insurance BUPA and I have just learned that none of the above is in their coverage. Good news for USA expats! After all, our health care and insurance system is not so bad. It could be worse in Australia, where to get prompt medical attention you cannot rely on medical insurances.
After this morning meeting I also realized that my PhD is not going very far, unless is transformed into something quite different from the initial research proposal, which made leave a design practice, family, friends and comfortable lifestyle in New York, to relocate to a place, where I don't have any support system even in case of injury.
Often I feel like a character in a "twilight zone" episode, my stress level, aggravated by the extremely limited mobility due to the leg injury, has become almost intolerable. It is quite a scary coincidence how the injury relates to the Achilles tendon, amplifying my vulnerability. My next step: start searching for flights home, facing the holidays blues and third winter in a row. Endurance has lost any sense of challenge, becoming just a synonymous of masochism.

Thoughts | Tendu at the Bus Stop

I started this post on May 4 and never published it. Six months later I am still confronted by same academic and personal challenges. This is what I wrote then:

May 12 will mark the second month of my staying in Waurn Ponds (Victoria, Australia) and this is my eighth Saturday. My weekends here have been in state of almost complete isolation —and frustration. Frustration in dealing with academic politics as well as cultural and emotional isolation. 
Studying, creating and "moving" are my survival means in this emotional desert.
I am addicted to movement; perhaps there is such an addition. If don't power walk for at least 8km, or practice 45 minutes of fast aerobic routines, one hour of "power yoga" I feel helpless and hopeless. My moving body is my only friend and support. The effect of movement on mental processes is one of the research questions of my thesis and I have become the living proof of how physical exercise can dramatically improve emotionally states and give clarity and focus. I practice battement tendu while waiting for the bus and use any chance I have to purposefully and harmoniously move in every task and function of my daily routine.

As of today I have been still resorting to movement and creative production as solace to my isolation and frustration for the lack of progress in my PhD journey, which seems to be totally trapped in academic politics —with a major twist a few days ago. Unfortunately since the past Sunday I have also been dealing with a tendinitis and my range of movement is quite limited: any compression in the left leg causes severe pain, even in walking. I am still trying to continue with my usual yoga practice, which has become totally asymmetric, but for a few postures. I am also trying to focus more on pranayama (breathing exercises) as well as learning a few kriyas from kundalini yoga, definitely shifiting from cardiovascular exercise to a more spiritual practice.
My weight loss intention of ten days ago has been greatly impacted by my injury, as almost all the cardio routines I am familiar with, heavily depend on use of legs. I started to learn some seated cardio workout.
Again, I am trying to adapt to change, but I feel extremely weak and vulnerable, without a nearby social and emotional support system; especially now with this physical injury, I cannot count only on the virtual presence of my friends overseas. After the solace of the few hours spent on the beach yesterday, all the negatives of my experience are today amplified. I am seriously questioning if I should stop this endurance test, admit that I cannot live in isolation and go back home...