The Achilles Tendon



I had a weekend of complete RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) making the healing of my left lower limb a priority. I used the anti-inflammatory lotion as directed; a kind soul, another RTC resident, dropped me off and picked me up from the library on campus, minimizing painful walking. But it did not help: this morning I woke up with mild pain and the usual swelling in the ankle. The pain, which has extended to the Achilles tendon, increased throughout the following hours, probably due to walking for the routine activities. Walking 1 km to the shuttle bus stop made the pain severe. I was in tears when I got on the bus.
I spent some time trying to investigate what is the economic of a medical treatment, which would involve MRI for diagnostics and physical therapy. As international student I am covered by the private insurance BUPA and I have just learned that none of the above is in their coverage. Good news for USA expats! After all, our health care and insurance system is not so bad. It could be worse in Australia, where to get prompt medical attention you cannot rely on medical insurances.
After this morning meeting I also realized that my PhD is not going very far, unless is transformed into something quite different from the initial research proposal, which made leave a design practice, family, friends and comfortable lifestyle in New York, to relocate to a place, where I don't have any support system even in case of injury.
Often I feel like a character in a "twilight zone" episode, my stress level, aggravated by the extremely limited mobility due to the leg injury, has become almost intolerable. It is quite a scary coincidence how the injury relates to the Achilles tendon, amplifying my vulnerability. My next step: start searching for flights home, facing the holidays blues and third winter in a row. Endurance has lost any sense of challenge, becoming just a synonymous of masochism.

Thoughts | Tendu at the Bus Stop

I started this post on May 4 and never published it. Six months later I am still confronted by same academic and personal challenges. This is what I wrote then:

May 12 will mark the second month of my staying in Waurn Ponds (Victoria, Australia) and this is my eighth Saturday. My weekends here have been in state of almost complete isolation —and frustration. Frustration in dealing with academic politics as well as cultural and emotional isolation. 
Studying, creating and "moving" are my survival means in this emotional desert.
I am addicted to movement; perhaps there is such an addition. If don't power walk for at least 8km, or practice 45 minutes of fast aerobic routines, one hour of "power yoga" I feel helpless and hopeless. My moving body is my only friend and support. The effect of movement on mental processes is one of the research questions of my thesis and I have become the living proof of how physical exercise can dramatically improve emotionally states and give clarity and focus. I practice battement tendu while waiting for the bus and use any chance I have to purposefully and harmoniously move in every task and function of my daily routine.

As of today I have been still resorting to movement and creative production as solace to my isolation and frustration for the lack of progress in my PhD journey, which seems to be totally trapped in academic politics —with a major twist a few days ago. Unfortunately since the past Sunday I have also been dealing with a tendinitis and my range of movement is quite limited: any compression in the left leg causes severe pain, even in walking. I am still trying to continue with my usual yoga practice, which has become totally asymmetric, but for a few postures. I am also trying to focus more on pranayama (breathing exercises) as well as learning a few kriyas from kundalini yoga, definitely shifiting from cardiovascular exercise to a more spiritual practice.
My weight loss intention of ten days ago has been greatly impacted by my injury, as almost all the cardio routines I am familiar with, heavily depend on use of legs. I started to learn some seated cardio workout.
Again, I am trying to adapt to change, but I feel extremely weak and vulnerable, without a nearby social and emotional support system; especially now with this physical injury, I cannot count only on the virtual presence of my friends overseas. After the solace of the few hours spent on the beach yesterday, all the negatives of my experience are today amplified. I am seriously questioning if I should stop this endurance test, admit that I cannot live in isolation and go back home...

Thoughts | Waurn Ponds Night Time Excitement

It is 12:40 am AEDT at 38°11'25.48"S 144°18'14.55"E.

I have just finished my shower and brushed my teeth, and am about to start a savasana / yoga nidra, often included in my bedtime ritual as last conscious effort to relax before sleep. I am approaching the yoga mat and notice something which provokes a scream: a furry spider which I immediately associated with a tarantula. 

The spider does not move, perhaps dead; this is what my rational thinking suggests as it alternates to the adrenaline surge, triggered by some of my primordial fears: poisonous spiders, snakes and rats. In my rational interval I grab my phone and take a photo. The adrenaline returns as the tarantula starts crawling on the carpet toward my bed, settling next to the side table. Always keeping the creature on sight (not difficult in my cell size room) I reach for a cup and am able to trap it.

My scream did not produce any reaction. With the phone still in my hand frantically I try to find people in the residence who could come to help me. I have palpitations, my breathing is extremely fast, I cannot focus on anything beyond fear. I dial a number by mistake, then I text two “neighbors”. Noura replies to my text and immediately comes to my room.

Blessings to her! Very calmly she asks for a sheet of paper where she moves the cup with the trapped spider. In a skillful motion she is able to transfer everything totally enclosed (with the spider probably squeezed to its death) to the rubbish bin in the corridor. She hugs me good night and moves back to her room. I am still in fear that there may be some other creepy intruders in my room and go to the bed with the bright fluorescent light on. I have a restless light sleep, and finally give up. My morning iPad email bed reading is welcomed by a message by Gavin, who also sent his beautiful meditative visual poems; I am truly looking forward to his return and to breaking this scary isolation. The lack of reaction to a scream in the middle of the night adds extreme sadness to my sense of vulnerability.

And this morning I am asking myself again the usual question: how much more endurance is required to pursue this PhD research?

camminando | Toward the spring Equinox: Sunset

Northern Solstice: Changing Perspective Point

 

Once again I am reminded that life is about change and adapting to change. For the past decade I have been celebrating nature cycles marked by sun positions in the sky: namely solstices and equinoxes. My celebration is quite simple: wherever I am in the world I go outside with my camera and take photographs of the sun rising and setting, to record these special marking of the sun in the sky. So far my sun recordings have always been in the northern hemisphere and I was referring to December 21 as the winter solstice day and June 21 was the summer solstice. Now that I am in the southern hemisphere I am learning to call June 21 the northern solstice, and December 21 the southern solstice. Everything is relative and now June 21 has become the shortest day of the day announced by the northward equinox, which once for me was the spring equinox.

This morning I woke up with the sense of depression which has become almost constant in the past two months —a cocktail of stress, anxiety, sadness, nostalgia and regret; but I decided to greet this important day of the year, even if for me was announcing the second winter in six month. I was rewarded, as the sense of heaviness lifted while I was witnessing the sun rising from across the Corio Bay. It was not really a spectacular sunrise, yet it brought a sense of calm and feeling of connection with this foreign land.

Walking back to my accommodation, I looked at low sun light from a different viewpoint, which offered one of the sought after sunrise compositions.  I had an epiphany that sometimes the same object of observation is more interesting and can become beautiful is seen from a different perspective point. Perhaps I should apply it to my troubled academic journey and embrace this change, although quite different from expectations.

Tracking the Full Flower Moon on May 25, from Waurn Ponds, Australia

Events | May 10, Annular Eclipse Day

There was no major sun-moon spectacle in Geelong, nevertheless I documented the sun path at sunrise (in Waurn Ponds), noon and sunset (Waurn Ponds).

camminando | Sunset at Waurn Ponds

Everything Is Relative, Even the Sun

April 24 2013 21:15 UTC and this is what the sun looks like from:

 38°11'25.99"S 144°18'22.52"E

 
40°46'50.80"N   73°59'18.44"W

 40°46'59.47"N    73°57'36.14"W

camminando | Walking the Line, High and Low

 

 Total walk length: 8k

Shorter Days and Lower Light

As winter is approaching and temperature dropping, I am still enjoying my walks to campus. It is very windy now (25mph)  my room is quite cold and quite hard to believe than less than two weeks ago I was swimming in the Southern Ocean; probably it was the last warm day of summer 2013. As winter approaches uncertainties are unresolved. But the sculptural trees I encounter in my daily walks are still reassuring.

 Deakin University Campus at Waurn Ponds

 Geelong Waterfront

Vernissages | Geelong Technology Precinct at Deakin University, Waurn Ponds Campus

A few photos from the opening night of the building which features a lot of promising technology. A quite animated evening at the rhythms and moves of World Dance. Oh, I miss you New York!