The Achilles Tendon



I had a weekend of complete RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) making the healing of my left lower limb a priority. I used the anti-inflammatory lotion as directed; a kind soul, another RTC resident, dropped me off and picked me up from the library on campus, minimizing painful walking. But it did not help: this morning I woke up with mild pain and the usual swelling in the ankle. The pain, which has extended to the Achilles tendon, increased throughout the following hours, probably due to walking for the routine activities. Walking 1 km to the shuttle bus stop made the pain severe. I was in tears when I got on the bus.
I spent some time trying to investigate what is the economic of a medical treatment, which would involve MRI for diagnostics and physical therapy. As international student I am covered by the private insurance BUPA and I have just learned that none of the above is in their coverage. Good news for USA expats! After all, our health care and insurance system is not so bad. It could be worse in Australia, where to get prompt medical attention you cannot rely on medical insurances.
After this morning meeting I also realized that my PhD is not going very far, unless is transformed into something quite different from the initial research proposal, which made leave a design practice, family, friends and comfortable lifestyle in New York, to relocate to a place, where I don't have any support system even in case of injury.
Often I feel like a character in a "twilight zone" episode, my stress level, aggravated by the extremely limited mobility due to the leg injury, has become almost intolerable. It is quite a scary coincidence how the injury relates to the Achilles tendon, amplifying my vulnerability. My next step: start searching for flights home, facing the holidays blues and third winter in a row. Endurance has lost any sense of challenge, becoming just a synonymous of masochism.

Vernissages | Hudson, Kahn and Selesnick at Carrie Haddad Gallery

Vernissages | Hudson, Kahn and Selesnick at Carrie Haddad Gallery

 Nic

 Nicholas Kahn

Richard Selesnick

Vernissages | NYC, Thomas Demand at Matthew Marks Gallery

Vernissages | NYC, Thomas Demand at Matthew Marks Gallery

Vernissages | NYC, Liam Gillick and Louise Lawler at Casey Kaplan Gallery

Vernissages | NYC, Chika at Eyebeam Gallery

Thoughts | Tendu at the Bus Stop

I started this post on May 4 and never published it. Six months later I am still confronted by same academic and personal challenges. This is what I wrote then:

May 12 will mark the second month of my staying in Waurn Ponds (Victoria, Australia) and this is my eighth Saturday. My weekends here have been in state of almost complete isolation —and frustration. Frustration in dealing with academic politics as well as cultural and emotional isolation. 
Studying, creating and "moving" are my survival means in this emotional desert.
I am addicted to movement; perhaps there is such an addition. If don't power walk for at least 8km, or practice 45 minutes of fast aerobic routines, one hour of "power yoga" I feel helpless and hopeless. My moving body is my only friend and support. The effect of movement on mental processes is one of the research questions of my thesis and I have become the living proof of how physical exercise can dramatically improve emotionally states and give clarity and focus. I practice battement tendu while waiting for the bus and use any chance I have to purposefully and harmoniously move in every task and function of my daily routine.

As of today I have been still resorting to movement and creative production as solace to my isolation and frustration for the lack of progress in my PhD journey, which seems to be totally trapped in academic politics —with a major twist a few days ago. Unfortunately since the past Sunday I have also been dealing with a tendinitis and my range of movement is quite limited: any compression in the left leg causes severe pain, even in walking. I am still trying to continue with my usual yoga practice, which has become totally asymmetric, but for a few postures. I am also trying to focus more on pranayama (breathing exercises) as well as learning a few kriyas from kundalini yoga, definitely shifiting from cardiovascular exercise to a more spiritual practice.
My weight loss intention of ten days ago has been greatly impacted by my injury, as almost all the cardio routines I am familiar with, heavily depend on use of legs. I started to learn some seated cardio workout.
Again, I am trying to adapt to change, but I feel extremely weak and vulnerable, without a nearby social and emotional support system; especially now with this physical injury, I cannot count only on the virtual presence of my friends overseas. After the solace of the few hours spent on the beach yesterday, all the negatives of my experience are today amplified. I am seriously questioning if I should stop this endurance test, admit that I cannot live in isolation and go back home...

(yoga) on the beach

It is almost a summer day, 80 degrees Fahrenheit, and Torquay beach offers a few hours of solace. I forget about the PhD and other usual problems; even the pain in my leg seems to disappear. A yoga practice by the ocean is for one of the blissed moments in life; the clear calm (cold) waters of the Southern Ocean are quite attractive, especially after getting used to the cold and grey Atlantic. Returning to the car, my left leg was hurting again and the ankle became very swollen.

My "Axis Mundi" sequence: tadasana, backbend, sirsasana and variation, adho mukha svanasana

Point Danger: Earth and Water

An energizing swim in cold waters

The last backbend on the beach: chakrasana

Thoughts & Actions | Finding the Warrior

After an uplifting time at Hanging Rock the day before, yesterday I started experiencing an increasing pain in my ankle and sheen, probably a tendinitis, almost incapacitating in terms of physical exercise and walking. I tried not to let it interfere with the positive energy experienced a day earlier, and tried to modify my hatha yoga practice to asanas which would not put any strain on my mysteriously injured leg. While I practice sirsasana (headstand) three times a day with tendinitis this inversion requires a lot of modifications; on the counterside I always found extremely challenging bakāsana (crane pose, known as crow); but with my injury this pose was one of the few which would could be practiced without a major physical stress.
Once again hatha yoga taught me a lesson: life is often about modification and compensation. Both can bring positive experience as long as we are able to find the warrior inside.

My present challenge is a big one: weight loss. Since when I moved to Australia I am eating a lot of comfort food, which has become a sort of addiction (especially for dessert and meats). So far I have not been successful in cutting down the unnecessary food; hopefully moving to a new place, it will make me return to the pesco ovo vegetarian diet I had when living in NYC.

Vernissages | NYC, Richard Serra at Gagosian Gallery

Serra Goes Flat

After years (decades) of flowing curves, Sculptor Richard Serra embraces a new geometry in his latest exhibit at the Gagosian gallery, West 24th Street, New York.

camminando | On the Rocks (Great Dividing Range)

After several weeks of stress, sadness, frustration  and depression, I have experienced once again the healing power of nature. Strangely this rediscovered calm and positive energy happened right in the inauspicious Hanging Rock (Victoria, Australia) This volcanic formation, is well known for Joan Lindasy's novel and Peter Weir's movie "Picnic at Hanging Rock" ---narrating the mysterious disappearing of three girls and a teacher.
The captivating beauty of this magical place inspires to meander in the labyrinthian outcrops. Layer of rocks frame distant bucolic views of green fields, or just the sky; the countless rocks seem also to play pick-a-boo with the sun.
It was only a fifty minutes hike, yet my energy and positive thinking seem to be finally back ---at least until the beginning of next week.